Clean Up

I haven't been writing for a while. It's not because I don't have a mood exactly, it's just because I haven't been switching on the laptop lately (Thank you, Roger -.-)

Last week while I was in Bangi, I had a chat with The Big Brother (*note Title Case) . Out of the blue he suddenly asked me whether after I decided to wear the tudung, did I clear up the pictures of me without it in my Facebook. Facebook because that's the most current social network and because everyone I know will be visiting my page. I told him I haven't but I already gave it a thought. I just hadn't gotten round to doing it yet at the time seeing as I was without my tudung up 'til the later months of 2011. You see, I had over a thousand pictures so you can imagine how much of them I had to un-tag, delete and so forth. However, when the matter was brought up, I decided that I wasn't going to dilly dally and put it aside anymore.

THE CLEAN UP;
Right after I came back from Bangi, I switched on the laptop and began my quest. Surprisingly, and to my relief, the pictures that I had to delete was not as many as I thought there would be. And I had a good time doing it too.

So many pictures from the moments I had with my family, my cousins and to the memories I captured with my friends. All of the pictures held different stories that I wish I can still remember all of them. It also made me realise how ugly I was back in my junior years (Macam la sekarang ni lawa sangat kan? Haha) and how funny all of us looked back then with our baby faces and eager smiles. Comel gila some of the pictures. Seriously. Without fail, I saved all those deleted pictures in my laptop so that once in a while, I can always have a good laugh.

THE REASON;
Then and now I have been thinking, why is it so important for me to take down those pictures? Why was my drive so strong to put it all away? After all, it was all in the past and at least my tudung is kept on at all times in those pictures I put up in Facebook now. Thinking back, I didn't just do it because I was scared of what people would say. What would they have to say anyway? It's not like this is the first time they're seeing a KL girl put on a tudung after years of not wearing one.  No, I did it to satisfy myself. I have been brought up to not think of the tudung as a uniform. My mum taught me that. Put the tudung on and cover up or don't put it on at all. Wearing the tudung comes with its, lets say, pantang larang, which we have to cater to. It sounds like its a difficult thing but now that I have given it a try, it isn't hard at all. I can still wear the clothes I used to wear before but in a different style. Throw on a jacket or a cardigan, a colourful inner or even patterned handsocks and I'm all set to go. Don't want the conventional tudung? Then wear a pashmina, hana tajima style. There are just so many ways to make yourself look decent without losing that style you used to have. The tudung doesn't necessarily mean that you have to look like a bag lady with 27 cats. It's already a new time and age where people make it a point to look good so LOOK GOOD. I don't believe in the saying "looks don't matter" anymore because it's plain crap I'm telling you.

I am actually far far away from the original point I wanted to make as to why I was so determined to take those pictures down. Its simply for the reason I wanted a clean start. I cannot make people forget what they saw. Those who already saw my hair, whatever, I can't do anything about it. But I can prevent the whole world from seeing it now. And that's the whole point of putting the tudung on. To cover up and to show modesty. I'm not out to show the world how pretty I am, I'm out to show the world I'm someone worth more than just looks. And I guess doing this is a pretty good start. Yes, I've had some down's from it namely this incident, and a few similar ones but that won't stop me. And it shouldn't stop any of us.

Well, this is already a long post and a heartfelt one at that. If you managed to read it up 'til here (not just this line, okay, the whole thing!)  I congratulate you and thank you for your time. Goes to show how my thoughts matter to you. Ngehee.