What to do with myself.

It's been such a long time since I've written anything, oh my god, I'm so sorry. I've abandoned you so :/

Anyway, it's been a long week after SPM results have come out (yes, it's been a week now) and everyone has been so busy with scholarship forms and interview preparations. I'm no different of course though I am finding a hard time trying to figure out what to do with my life.

So, what is it going to be for me? Medic or Chemical Engineering?

All throughout my form 5 life, I have aimed to do ChemE mostly because the subjects (Chem, Physics and Math) interest me. At first, I never even knew what their work is but I got a lot of encouragement in my choice of course. Up until now.

Chemical engineers are not so in demand in our country right now. People still need civil engineers and since both my brother and my dad are in that field, I feel like going a different path. I don't know what to make of it, but I do want a little variety in the family. Is that bad thinking? I don't know, but that's how I feel. However, I didn't shut the idea out completely but if given the chance that I get a different course, I'll take it up.

As for medic, well, it's not like I've never been interested in that field. I was set on being a Dermatologist up until the end of form 4 when I finally decided that medic is a field for the smartasses of the world. Interest wise, I love learning Bio as well, so does that help? The thing that I'm scared of if I take medic is the memorising. In school, I always had trouble memorising Sejarah and I practically sweared the subject. I loved learning it, but I hated the exams. So what does this signify?

People always tell me that what I take up relies mostly on what I'm interested in - my minat. That is fact that I have been told over and over again but what happens if I'm not sure anymore? What happens if what interests me doesn't bring me anywhere? I've been told that with my taste, I must have money of my own. Either that, or marry someone rich *pandangkirikanan

This is a critical decision to be made. This isn't a thing that I'm taking lightly. It's my future and honestly, I'm scared.

I hope by me praying and asking for guidance from Him, He'll finally show me the way in some way. Amin.